stupid stories #4 (really stupid)

Harry was really tired that day. Where did you go asked aunt Petunia? I went to the bar and had a few cocktails and a pint. What’s going on dear asked uncle Vernon? This kid just committed underage drinking. He can drink all he wants, just hope he suffocates from all that alcohol. That’s a good idea love. Would you two shut your mouths?

One day, I went to the toy shop to buy some unnecessary stuff. At the shop I stumbled upon the greatest warrior ever to live in the game “greatest warrior ever to live”. He looked exactly like his profile in the internet, with that broad shoulder of his. I greeted him with the “greatest warrior ever to live greet” and he replied as if he was just a newbie. He was actually trying to remember the greet, he got it slightly right. It was a shocker. To shock me even more was that he was holding a pirated copy of “greatest warrior ever to live” ultimate cheat book. He probably bought it at the “Pirates ‘r’ us” book store a level up. This is going to be a huge story at the games internet forum. I gave him a (I think it was) a really terrible look. He didn’t react at all.

That night I logged on to my game account. I saw that my friend aceraspirewithatiradeongraphicscardandintelcoretwoduoprocessor (weird name) was online. So I started to chat with him. I told him about the incident at the toy shop. He was more shocked than me that he accidentally released one of his home made worm viruses. It was a good thing that I got the latest version of nortin anti-virus software. We decided to check if nork (the game champion) is online. Too bad he wasn’t.

I sent my resume at Microsoft trying my luck as the president of the company. Ten years after, I got the letter, and was being promoted as the president. It seems that bill gates had a brain tumor because of unknown reasons and is paralyzed and isn’t capable of working forever. I was supposed to meet him at the Microsoft residence before I start work. Couple of weeks (not meaning two weeks….duh…you subtitle people at the TV stations) later I went to the official residence and met up with Mr. Gates himself. At that time he was swimming in his 1 mile wide swimming pool. So much for paralyzed forever. He was swimming like an Olympic bronze medalist. He said he was tired of business and dedicated his life to spending $338 000 000 of his 1 trillion personal asset. He had to lie to the public. Lucky man he was. He said when he resigned and picked a replacement for him he found in his old drawer he never opened for 10 years a very funny letter. He decided to pick this brave and creative man that wrote this letter to be the president, that was me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

stupid stories #3

I can kill you in three seconds and you wouldn’t feel the pain. I believe, from my sources, that you have recently bought a handgun.

So I did. It’s none of your business.

It seems to be so. It seems that what you just purchased is a rare 99 calibre revolver with gold signatures of the maker.

It very well is. And what’s your problem?

It concerns me that Aiken, the leader of the Green Mob recently lost such a gun.

Well I didn’t steal it from him. I bought it at Ganker’s.

And you know very well that Ganker is a thief and sells back the stolen stuff at his shop.

That’s just rumours.

Well, you should believe it.

Believing it has no good.

But its true. I got tricked and bought my stolen watch back from him.

Tough luck, eh.

I squeezed the truth out of him after noticing a scratch on the watch i got couple of years back.

Like I said, its you’re problem.

I accidently overheard at the Green Mob meeting that they have organised a little search party for his beloved revolver that is identical to your new one.

Okay. I admit, i know Ganker is a thief. But it was a bargain.

Give it back to him and ask your money back. If he refuses, tell him you know me.

Why are you being such a good guy all of a sudden?

Do you really want to know the truth?

Shoot me.

I just got back from the hospital and I’m.....I’m....I’m................I’m.....................

Say it already

I’M YOU’RE FATHER

WHAT THE F#$%!!!!!!!

stupid stories #2

My mother bought this new ceiling fan that cost almost 2000 ringgit. It was a normal ceiling fan that had a golden emblem of a goblin. It spun like a normal fan and behave liked one too. The only thing weird is that at midnight every day the fan would stop spinning (if it was on), and gave out a cheeky little chuckle. Every night my mother would just sit under the fan and hear that chuckle with a satisfied smile. It creeps me out. After two weeks of my mother’s weird behaviour. I decided to take action (in action, I mean telling my dad). He said my mum always do strange stuff when she turned the big 50, now she’s 54. My dad is always like that, lazy lazy lazy. I asked my mum what was up (get it? up! the fan! Never mind). She said it was nothing. I wasn’t convinced that it was nothing so I did some research on the fan on the web on my computer in my room. The website www.strangefansmakingyourmotherstrange.com said that the fan my mother bought had the spirits of ancient goblins of The Isle of Man. The description said that the spirit will chuckle every time the clock turns exactly midnight. It also said that the goblins were extinct but strange encounters with the creature still happen. The editor of the web page said there is still some decadence of these goblins in forms of humans. He said these decadence will react strangely if they hear the chuckle of these goblins. That was enough to startle me. I searched the web on how identify the decadence. I found it on my first search and it said to pour vinegar on the suspect. If they scream they are goblin decadence and then they will take their true form. I tried it the day after and my mom screamed like she was in pain. I was shocked. But she didn’t turn into a goblin, instead she said “WTF”. She chased me all over the house screaming “that was the last bottle of vinegar and tomorrow we can’t make acar because of you”. A month later I cracked the mystery. It seems that my mother’s free time is at midnight so she would relax from the house work under our fan. She would stare at it because it was the only thing interesting and she would smile because she knows she can afford the most expensive fan amongst the other housewives in our neighbourhood. I asked her about the chuckle and she said she never heard of it.

stupid stories #1

I stood there by the threshold gasping for air.

I kept thinking that I killed him.

I kept thinking of him lying there in a blood of pool still moving.

I didn’t want to kill him, I didn’t have any choice.

Yeh, it was self defence.

He tried to kill me.

What about another check.

To see if he’s still alive or not.

I walked about two steps when I heard something about a meter away.

My heart was pounding.

I peeped to see and saw him standing in his own pool of blood.

He seemed unscathed and unharmed.

It seems like the deep wound from my sword healed.

He saw me.

He screamed as if someone was branded by a hot metal.

I looked and saw his face right in front of mine.

My stomach turned upside down.

He stabbed me with his silver dagger.

I felt it go through my stomach to my ribs and then to my intestine.

It hurt badly.

Miraculously I healed just like he did.

He said I was one of them.

We shook hands.

I followed him to his car.

That’s when he shot me using a gun right in the head.

a new blog for me

finally, i got the chance to make a new blog for my writing and stupid stuff...
hope you enjoy dudes and dudettes....